Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Cookie Dough

So I have come to the sad conclusion that I can’t bake cookies to save myself. I suck. I can't do it. Baking takes precision. Baking is following directions. Baking is measuring things. And let's be honest here, measuring is not one of my strengths and neither is following directions now that you mention it.

I once read this article that said the world could be divided up into 2 types of people. People who read the instructions and people who don't. I my friend, don't. In fact I am reasonably sure that every board game I have ever owned I probably played some bastard form of it.

So what was supposed to be Chocolate Chip cookies came out more as, round flattened soupy discs with melty chocolate bits. I wouldn't feel bad except I had this cookie shit mastered in Elementary school. I had the Toll House Chocolate Chip cookie recipe on the back of the chocolate chips bag burned into my brain by the age of 5. What has happened to me?

The invention of the instant cookie dough log is what happened people. Why bother making cookie dough from scratch when you could just unpeel a log of the stuff and eat it like a banana while watching bad reality TV? Then if you REALLY got bored you could cook it, just to you know, to switch things up a bit. (ha, ha yeah riiiiight like I’d do that) But I digress; I attribute the cookie log to my 'Flowers for Algernon' rapid loss of cookie baking ability.

So I was forced to watch The Bachelorette sans cookie or dough. Why am I watching this show anyway? It's really not that exciting, not like America's Next Top Model. Which was informative. Oh yes... that show made me understand that...hey modeling is hard and stuff. Models have to do a lot of things like, travel and look good like all the time. That even if you’re 5’ 10” and 100 pounds you’re still fat. And how being young, beautiful and in some cases non-photogenic is really freakin' hard. What has the The Bachelorette taught me? That French men are gay? I already knew that.

So I dunno, Bachelorette, I just don't know if I can justify watching you again. Maybe because I don't have cable and it's a Monday night I might end up watching you again, but I will at least be armed with a log of cookie dough this time.


Blogger Mrs.Strizzay said...

Get the tubes of dough and eat it with a spoon. They come out perfect every time.

12:59 PM  
Blogger laurenbove said...

Okay, so you can't bake anymore. You make a lovely Poulet a la "S" Bring it on! More....

Subtitue Grey Sole for the chicken and voila! Poisson a la "S." De-lovely.

6:31 PM  
Blogger S said...

Oh yeah forgot about fish...good idea!

7:15 PM  
Blogger laurenbove said...

I like the fish too, b/c it's wicked fast. Probably would just pour sauce over it instead of finish cooking it in the sauce as you would the chicken. I'm trying this one tonight. I'll let you know. Excellent! Do you like brownies? I'll share a secret recipe if you do....

8:52 AM  
Blogger S said...

Love brownies!

10:19 AM  
Blogger laurenbove said...

Okay: I'll tell you but you can't tell ANYONE else. It's a complete secret...

Take any double size brownie mix (that's not for 8x8 pan.) I like Pillsbury, but Duncan Hines is better for this recipe b/c there's MORE of it.

Butter the 9 x 12 baking dish. Pour half the mix in. It will look scanty. Don't fret. Layer Cadbury Caramello bars across the mix. You will need 3 and 3/4 bars. The last forth is for morale. Pour rest of brownie mix on top. Try to cover bars as best you can.

Bake per directions. Let sit until just set. (say that 10x fast) and cut. If too gooey, cut after refrigerating for a bit. You won't believe how layery and delicious these are. They will appear to be complicated. Do not dispel the myth. Rather bask in your cleverness.

Call them Incredible Bove Brownies, or whatever you like. Please don't blame me for the 7lbs you'll gain.


12:30 PM  
Blogger S said...

Oh dear god those should be illegal. And I will be making them this weekend.

1:34 PM  
Blogger laurenbove said...

Good idea about the brownies. You will adore them. They're good warm with ice cream and fudge and whipped cream...awwwww just shoot me! Chicken was rockin. I had some cold this A.M. JUST as good! I love food. It's just as stimulating and much more reliable than good sex.

9:18 AM  

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